How to
Win Friends
Influence People

  • Part 1

    • Chapter 1
      General methods of dealing with people

    • Innocence

      • People tend to

      • Think of themselves as innocent

        • Everyone is guilty but me
      • Proving their innocence

        • To myself

        • Others

      • Don't judge yourself for your actions

      • Criticism is useless

      • It makes one defensive

      • Causes offence

      • Criticism comes back to haunt us

      • Animal experiment

      • Teaching

      • Punishment works worse

      • Reward works better

    • Applying

      • Don't criticise

      • Understand

    • Chapter 2
      The big secret to dealing with people

    • The desire to be great

    • What people want

      • Health

      • Food

      • Sleep

      • Money

      • Spiritual

      • Sexual satisfaction

      • Child wellbeing

      • Self-awareness

      • Mostly unsatisfied

      • Craving for self-affirmation

        • People only choose to assert themselves
    • Enthusiasm

      • It's an important skill to awaken enthusiasm in people.

      • Helps

      • Bring out the best in an employee

      • Criticism does not work

      • Praise

    • Thanks

    • Chapter 3
      Whoever can do it will conquer the world.
      Whoever cannot is doomed to walk alone.

    • First make a man long for something

    • Stand in a man's shoes

  • Part 2
    Six ways for people to like you

    • Chapter 4
      Do this and you will be welcomed everywhere

    • Show interest in others

    • Not trying to interest them in your own person

    • The other person is not interested in me.

      • They are only interested in themselves
    • Chapter 5
      A simple way to make a good impression

    • Smile

    • Chapter 6
      If you don't do this, you're in trouble

    • Memorise

      • Names

      • Details about a person

      • Growing roses

      • How are the kids?

    • For a man's name is the sweetest sound to him

    • Saying a name is a compliment

    • A man is most interested in his name

    • Chapter 7
      Easy ways to be a good conversationalist

    • Listen

      • Do not interrupt

      • Patiently

    • Ask

    • Sellers are better at listening

    • Encourage others to talk about themselves

    • Chapter 8
      How to get people interested

    • Talk about what people are interested in

    • Prepare

      • To do this you must first find out what they are interested in
    • Chapter 9
      How to win people's favour immediately

    • Always act in a way that makes the person you are talking to feel significant.

      • Praise

      • Apologise for the inconvenience

      • Do sincerely

    • Take an interest in the person

      • Oh, what an office you have...

      • Ah, what a home you have...

    • Talk to people about themselves

    • Summary
      Six ways to get people to like you

    • Show genuine interest in people

    • Smile

    • A person's name is the sweetest sound

    • Be a good listener

    • Encourage others to talk about themselves

    • Talk about what interests the other person

    • Act in a way that makes the other person feel significant

      • And do it sincerely
  • Part 3
    How to influence people towards my point of view

    • Chapter 10 You can't win in an argument

    • People tend to argue to feel significant when they win

    • When they lose an argument, people tend to feel insignificant

    • Avoid arguments

      • It is better to give in
    • Ways to avoid arguments

      • Welcome disagreement

      • Suppress the first natural reaction - defence

      • Control your emotions

      • Listen to

      • Allow opponent to finish fully

      • Look for areas of agreement

      • Better build bridges of agreement

      • Be honest

      • See where I can acknowledge my mistake

        • Apologise for it
      • Promise to consider my opponents' ideas

      • Thank your opponents for their interest

      • Accept my opponents as people who genuinely want to help me

      • Do not rush into action

      • Allow both sides to think about the problem

      • Ask myself questions before the next meeting.

      • What if my opponents are right?

        • Is there merit in their position or ideas?
      • Will my reaction contribute to solving the problem, or will it only make me feel better?

        • Will it bring the opponents to my side?

        • Or will it push them away?

      • Will it lift me up in the eyes of people whose opinions matter to me?

      • Will I win or lose?

      • What price will I have to pay if I win?

      • If I remain silent, will I be able to avoid the argument?

      • Is this a chance for me?

    • Chapter 11 A surefire way to make enemies and how to avoid it.

    • Not pointing out people's mistakes

      • Not criticising people for their mistakes.
    • Not proving people wrong, that they are wrong.

    • Present unfamiliar things as well-forgotten

    • I thought differently, but maybe I'm wrong, it happens to me a lot...

      • Let's check the facts...
    • Trying to be wiser than others, but not telling them so

    • Admitting the possibility of error I will never get into a quandary

    • People value their ego

      • People are comfortable believing what people believe to be true
    • People don't like to admit their mistakes.

      • If you tell them directly.
    • You can ask questions.

    • Chapter 12
      If you're wrong, admit it

    • When I'm not arguing with another

      • The other

      • To feel his worth

      • Take a position of indulgence

    • Better

      • Ahead of the other with self-criticism

      • There's no excuse for my blunder

    • Chapter 13
      A drop of honey

    • Convincing a man of my sincere disposition

      • It is a drop of honey
    • Friendliness begets reciprocal friendliness

    • Friendly approach in conflict

    • Chapter 14
      Socratic secret

    • To avoid emphasising where our views differ

    • Emphasise where we agree

    • Showing the person that we share common goals, just different methods

    • Strive to make the opponent

      • Say more yes.

      • Say less of a no.

    • Chapter 15
      A safety valve,
      preventing resentment

    • Let the man speak out

    • Ask him questions to get him to talk.

    • Never interrupt them, even if they are clearly wrong

    • Listen with patience and open-mindedness

    • Show genuine interest

    • Encourage him or her to speak more fully

    • Include when a person talks about himself or herself, brags, talks about accomplishments

    • When looking for friends, allow them to excel

    • Chapter 16
      How to get cooperation

    • Don't tell people your ideas

    • Hinting at my ideas

    • Encourage others to pitch me ideas

    • Give others authorship of my ideas

    • Not to sell

      • Let people buy it for themselves.
    • Let people think the idea is theirs

    • Chapter 17
      The formula that will work wonders

    • Trying to understand a man

      • Instead of judging them.
    • Put yourself in their shoes.

    • Ask yourself "How would I feel or how would I react if I were them?

    • Show that the person's point of view and feelings are important to me

    • Chapter 18
      What everyone wants

    • I don't blame you for your feelings

    • If I were you, I'd feel the same way

    • Give people sympathy

    • Chapter 19
      A call that resonates with everyone

    • Everyone holds himself in high esteem

    • And every man looks upon himself as a noble and selfless person

    • For every action a person has two motives

        1. The real one
        1. one that sounds beautiful
    • Manipulation type

      • "Glad to work with such a responsible and honest person"

      • "It's a deal."

      • "I want to ask you as a man of integrity..."

    • People act honestly when they are treated as honest

    • Appeal to lofty motives

      • Honesty

      • Nobility

      • Integrity

    • Chapter 20
      That's what you do in movies.
      It's what you do on television.
      So why don't you do it?

    • The show

    • Dramatism

    • They put rats in the window of the shop that sold rat poison

    • So people could see how it works, how it transforms.

    • Staging the cool qualities of the product

    • To give visibility to your ideas, to present them in a spectacular way

    • Chapter 21
      If nothing else works, try this

    • To do a good job, you have to have a competitive spirit

    • A thirst for excellence

    • It's not the money - it's the game, not the employees

    • Challenging

    • Summary

    • The only way to win an argument is to avoid it

      • Show respect for the other person's opinion

      • Never say he is wrong

    • If I am wrong, admit it quickly and forcefully

    • Start with a friendly tone of voice.

    • From the start, make the other person say yes to me

    • Give the other person the opportunity to speak up.

    • Let the other person think the idea is theirs

    • Honestly try to view any situation from the other person's point of view

    • Show empathy for the thoughts and desires of others

    • Appeal to loftier motives

    • Give visibility to their ideas (show)

    • Challenging, touching the heart

  • Part 4
    Being a leader how to change people without hurting them or causing resentment

    • Chapter 22
      Where to start when pointing out a mistake

    • First, point out any strengths

    • "You have a cool dress today. You should also be careful with punctuation."

    • Chapter 23
      How to criticise without causing self-hatred

    • Praise, but.

      • But, it looks like manipulation and devalues praise
    • Praise, and...

      • Solution
    • Pay attention to other people's mistakes not directly but indirectly

    • Chapter 24
      First talk about your own mistakes

    • Before criticising another, talk about your own mistakes

    • Chapter 25
      No one likes to be told what to do

    • It's okay to give advice.

    • You might want to think about it.

    • Do you think it would work?

    • Let people do the work themselves

    • People are more receptive to orders if they have had input into the decision as to whether it should be carried out

    • Chapter 26
      Give a man a chance to save his face

    • Chapter 27
      How to encourage people to succeed

    • Praise

      • For any even small achievements, development

      • Explain specifically why

    • Chapter 28
      Give your dog a good name

    • When you want something from a person, talk to them as if they already have it

    • Create a good reputation in the person that they would like to live up to

      • People are afraid to disappoint
    • Chapter 29
      Make mistakes in a way that makes the mistake seem easy to correct

    • Make it clear that the person has the talent, the ability to do it

    • Use encouragement more often

    • Make a mistake seem easy to correct

    • Chapter 30
      Try to make people feel good about doing what you expect them to do

    • Make the person feel significant

    • Give them a title

    • Remember

      • Be sincere

      • Don't promise what I can't do

      • Forget about my own gain and think of the other's interest

      • Know exactly what I want from the other person

      • Be able to put myself in the other person's shoes

      • Think about the rewards of doing what I offer

      • To match that reward with his desires

      • Make the person think that he or she benefits from the task

    • Usually

      • John, sweep this place up, customers are coming tomorrow.
    • Better

      • John, we need to do something, if you do it now you won't have to do it later, if you do it now you will be doing your bit for the image of the company.
    • try to get people excited about doing what I expect them to do

    • Summary

    • Start by praising and genuinely recognising the merits of the person you are talking to

    • Point out people's mistakes indirectly, not directly

    • Talk about your own mistakes before criticising another person

    • Ask questions instead of giving orders

    • Let the person save face

    • Express approval, encourage every success

    • Be sincere in your evaluation and generous in your praise

    • Give the person a good reputation, which he or she will try to live up to

    • Use encouragement more often

      • Hey, you can do it.

      • You are already doing very well

    • Make a mistake look remediable

    • Try to make it so people are happy to do what I tell them to do